Envy
by Belladonna Andromeda
Summary: How could you be so loyal to your god in hope of being accepted into Heaven when you're immortal? Why are you so afraid of hell and so dedicated to your religion when you can't die? Why love him for no reason? Why not me? MadaraHidan. MadaHida.


I am a selfish and proud man

I am a selfish and proud man. I know what I want and I fight for it. I am also a man of patience, logic and intellect. I think things through before I act. I try to understand the situation before I make plans. I am Uchiha Madara. The man who even managed to create fear in the heart of the infamous Kyuubi. So why am I bothered so by the religion of a mere pawn in my plans?

Hidan. A High Priest of Jasshin. A religion which demands self-sacrifice as well as the sacrifice of others and several other bloody rituals. A young man who cares for very little, has respect for no one but his 'god' and who was gifted with immortality. He fears hell, he is loyal to his _god_ but why? He is an immortal. He will never die. What point is there in fearing hell if you cannot die? Why does he feel the need to look up to a higher power when he's bound to life and this world? Why waste his time, his passion, his _feelings_ on a god who may never judge him?

These questions haunt me. Wherever I go they follow me untill I'm near the edge of insanity. They keep me up at night. And his face. As soon as I see his face an anger unlike I've ever felt grows inside of me. A rage so strong that it hurts. It beats against my ribcase, it squeezes my throat, it causes my limbs to tremble and my fists to clench. And it can take up to days before it resides.

I hated him. Hidan with his foul language, his horrible temper, his disrespect, his bloodlust, his stupidity, his immortality... his _religion_. Several times I almost blew my cover because of him. My disguise, Tobi, was vulnerable whenever he was around. Oh how I _hated_ him. Or so I thought. As I mentioned before I am a man who must understand the situation before I am satisfied. I must think things through and obtain a certain amount of information before I plan my stradegy for the future. Thus I spend valuable time and brainpower trying to figure out why the priest affected me so.

But even when I knew the answer I wasn't satisfied. In fact it angered me even more. I was jealous. I, Uchiha Madara, was _jealous_. Not even of Hidan. No, of Jasshin. Because it was that 'god' who had Hidan's respect, his devotion, his... his affection. This 'god', who could do nothing for him, had it all while I, a man who could give him everything, had nothing.

I felt like a child: angry because of the unfairness of the situation. But I was a greedy child. No matter how stupid, weak or unusual it was I always got what I wanted.

Thus I started studying the priest. Searching for signs. Signs of unwillingness, signs of discomfort, signs of fear, signs of forced belief. Anything that could give me hope or a chance to guide him away from Jasshin and towards me. It was relatively easy with my mask as long as I kept track of the conversations. But I soon realized that his devotion for his religion was completely willing and wanted. Though it would take more than that to vanquish my determination.

After that plan failed I began writing anonymous letters to Hidan but they were ignored. Then I had dropped some hints whenever we happened to talk... or the closest we got to talking anyhow but I was foolish to even consider he'd be smart enough to notice. But what annoyed me the most was that my letters, which were supposed to contain facts and logic reasoning, started to resemble love letters and talking evolved into casual flirting.

I got scared. I began ignoring the priest, tried to force him out of my mind but it would not work. I was pestered by sleepless nights and a large amount of confusion and frustration. No matter what I tried I could not convince myself I felt nothing for Hidan. I was dissapointing myself. So I turned back to my old method. What I want, I get no matter what or who it is.

I started studying the Jasshin religion and soon formed a plan that both sickened and excited me. I would be putting my acting skills to the test. I would be making a dangerous risk. I was going to pretend, for one night or perhaps more, to be Jasshin in flesh, bone and blood and take Hidan, hopefully ending these ridiculous things that were happening to me.

Convincing him that I was Jasshin was easier then I thought. All I had to do was change the color of my hair and eyes, put on clothes that matched the fashion of the religion, act the part and avoid getting involved in some dangerous ritual or something. The belief and trust he put in his religion caused his downfall.

At first his eyes were wide in shock and disbelief, then they sparkled with admiration, love and happiness. When he realized just who (he thought) was standing in front of him he immediately bowed. He asked me several questions; some were innocent, some were plain stupid and several were rather difficult to answer. Seeing the excitement in his eyes did strange things to me.

I felt my chest become heavy with an emotion I've never felt before but I also felt a toxic sting of envy towards Jasshin because it was his face that made him like this, not mine. He even blushed once or twice when we made physical skin-on-skin contact. But Hidan managed to surprise me when it was him who pressed his lips to mine. I felt a rush of pleasure when I witnessed the priest bow once again and beg me to take him.

I could hardly control myself as my hands caressed every curve of his body. He was completely under my control. For one single night I was given what would usually be wasted on Jasshin. For some reason I felt like a god myself as soon as I was buried within him. I felt immortal, invincible, almighty. It was the most wonderful feeling.

For several weeks I continued to visit him at night whenever we were both at the hideout. There were several disadvantages however. First, he was becoming more arrogant about his religion, more disrespectful towards others. Second, it was not my name he would whisper into my ear. Third, I was becoming addicted. Final, it was not me whom he loved.

Then something happened. Something I didn't expect. Something I had not planned. Kazuku and Hidan were defeated. My love was buried deep under the ground and forgotten by the rest of Akatsuki. But I did not mind. He was still alive. He would be waiting for me as soon as the time was right. He would have enough time to contemplate his situation, to realize that his god has long abandoned him. And maybe, just maybe, when I come for him Jasshin will be the envious one.

_My love, won't look at me_

_Look at the one who cares for thee_

_The one__ overcome by jealousy_

_Make God envy me..._


End file.
